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Scared.. (not for sensitive eyes/stomachs)

Yeah there really arent many things I am scared of but I can say I'm scared now..

I know I have blogged about my 'health issues' before and my nasty cycles since Nathan was born, but I finally took a much needed step in the the right direction.

Today I went to see another new doctor about my concerns with my menstraul cycles. This doctor got right down to the point and wanted to take a sample of the insides of my uterus to test and culture them.. He mentioned that I have too much 'crap' in there for just having my cycle end last Friday.. That he seemed concerned about.. He also sent me to lab to have a few blood draws done.. He is checking for anemia (which I am certain I have), he is checking my platelets, my thyroid, and something else but I cant remember at the moment.. They needed 4 large tubes of blood for these tests.. Big meanies! I HATE HATE HATE blood draws! And IV's but mostly blood draws! Luckily for me, the lab technician that I got today knew what she was doing and I also had good veins today (I typically do).. So that went as smoothly as it could.

So.. Anyways..

About these awful cycles.. they bring severe pain that narcotics cant ease and that wipe me out and put me in my bed crying for three days of each month. Then there is the 'flow'. That is beyond awful and rediculous. It just isnt pretty.. We will leave it at that for your sake..

I have been to three different OB/GYN doctors since having Nathan and have ended up in the ER twice all over this terrible monthly cycle.

Joe and I have talked about what might be wrong and what options we have that might help take care of this problem... We have come to the conclusion that we are not in the market for any more kids. That breaks my heart because my last baby is going to be a whole year old already in just 14 days!! But it is a good thing for us because it means we can focus on the kids we have and establishing our family and now we can do things as a family because we wont have to worry about 'the baby' needing this or 'the baby' needing that.. It also means no more kids sharing a room besides the two that already do, and it means that I will hopefully be going to school in five years!! I have wanted to go to college since I was a kid! But when you have a kid and get married and then pop out three more kids all before the age of 25, it makes it a little tough to go to college. So my deal is, once Nathan is in school, I'll start school!

Back to the original reason for this post... I am scared! Down right scared! Cant sleep, cant focus, cant do anything but worry. I feel like a zombie!! I cook, I clean, I unpack, I change diapers, I do everything and at the end of the day, I dont remember a dang thing that I did because I wasnt 'alert' enough. That is so shity! I am scared of what the doctors are finding, I am scared that I am going to be put through another surgery and I am scared that I wont be able to do what needs to be done around the house. I hate not being able to do things for myself and I hate hate hate asking for help!

A little bit of my burden is lifted because I know God will make sure I and my family are taken care of. I am confident that God has a plan and that he will protect and provide for us. I have faith that God has the whole situation under control, but I am still worried about everything.

But that is where I stand as of now. We are going to get answers one way or another now and I am scared, nervous and relieved all at the same time.

I am asking that you pray for guidance for myself, Joe and the doctors through this. Also please pray for quick answers and results and healing. It has been a long eleven months..

THANKS!
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