Pains

Okay so I complain a lot! SO SHOOT ME! but the pains I have been having give me reason to complain, so I think.

*WARNING: Girl issues about to be discussed - not for the sensitive stomach*

I am not sure where to begin, so how about the birth of Nathan.. It was a longer labor with slow progress... at 3:56pm on July 5, 2010 we welcomed Nathan into the world! Nothing was unusual to me as he is baby #4 for us. Things seemed to be going perfect while at the hospital! (as perfect as can be expected for just delivering baby #4)

So we went home when he was two days old. Typical for healthy moms and healthy babies.. Week one goes by... still healing and bleeding.. week two goes by... still healing and bleeding.. week three comes and goes and its the same thing!! Finally I hit week 4 and I become panicked! I contact my doctors office and they prescribed me Methergine (it causes the unterus to contract and stop bleeding). Three pills. One each day for three days and that is supposed to heal it. I take my first pill and couldnt do a darn thing but lay in bed all day and cry because of the pain from the contractions. Day two I take the pill and the contracting has lightened up some, but not enough to make it pain free.. Day three I take my pill and oh wait!! No bleeding!!! I am thinking "ok that pain was worth it all ending.."  The next day comes and BAM it starts all over again!!!! SERIOUSLY!?! One day is all I get?! All in all I had bleeding for 5-1/2 weeks! With my girls it only lasted 10 days at most!!!

So I get a two week break and then have to welcome back aunt flo! GREAT! Excruciating pain!! I mean it! Worse then the labor pains I had with Lily! for the first two days its back! No appetite, no movement, and HEAVY bleeding! Day 3 rolls around and the pain has decreased some but not the bleeding.. Days 4, 5, 6, & 7 come and go and finally day 8 marks the last day.

30 days later (from last start date), welcome back aunt flo, heavy bleeding, and excruciating pain!! Lasts total of 7 days..

30 days later (from last start date), welcome back again aunt flo, heavy bleeding, and excruciating pain!! Lasts 7 days again..

this repeats for.. well... every damn month since Nathans birth!!

(I have to let you know that my NORMAL cycles last 5 days, have no pains, and are 28 days apart from start date to start date)

Lucky for Joe and I we lost health insurance Halloween night! So I couldnt go in for November or December when I had finally had ENOUGH of the pains!!

And now here we are in January and nothing new now!! Oh wait I fibbed, aunt flo decided to come a day sooner this month but I am still having the excruciating pains and heavy bleeding. Joe's insurance will start for Feb 1st..

Now if you have made it through all the gore, I appologize!! But wow!! What a strong stomach you have!!!!

Here comes the easier part of this.. when we do get insurance again, and I go to the doctor, if she tells me I have options on how to fix this, I am thinking I am going to beg and plead for a hystorectomy. Sure a D & C (they totally clean out the inside of your uterus) might help, but that's not something I want to have to go through. If they are going in to 'fix' my problem (possibly) why not just go in and fix it for good!! But then wait, a hystorectomy means no more babies.. the angel over my right shoulder informs me that I am still only 24 and have a lot of child bearing years left in me and if we ever come out of the hole we are in now, then maybe we will want to have another. Then my little devil on my left shoulder chimes in and puts it in simpleton terms Are YOU NUTS?! You already have 4 kids! I am SO torn!!

I dont want the pains every month, and some days I am SO SET on no more babies and then other days I am not so set and think that maybe in 5 years we might want another.. But honeslty, I dont ever want to enter the diaper stage all over again!! EVER! I hate changing diapers and in 5 years, Nathan will be 5 and will be in Kindergarten. Why start all over with a brand new baby? It doesnt make sense. But then I remember how mad Nathan might be at me for never giving him a brother.. But I cant ever guarentee that we will have another boy.. I mean come on! The odds are not in our favor if you look at what we have now. Maybe Nathan will never want a brother.. Maybe his sisters will be enough for him! But then what about when Joe and I are gone and he looses his lifelong hunting and fishing partner.. Who is he going to hit up for the trips to the lake or the woods if he doesnt have a little brother?!!

The girls have eachother for shopping, and girl talk, and getting hair and nails done together. And Nathan will have Joe for his guy adventures until Joe is gone.

And then there is the idea that I have been tossing around in my head.. Surrogacy.. I know people who cant have any more babies.. but would DIE to have another. And since I am so young and 'healthy', maybe I could be the carrier for them.. Which I would LOVE to do. And have not a single second thought about it. As long as I was an approved person to do such a thing. Two people in particular come to mind!! And if either of them were to ask me to do something like that, I would say YES in a heartbeat.. Every amazing woman should get the chance to be called mom! And these women are down right amazing!!

Oy! But rather then stressing about these things every month I have decided that this is the last I will talk about anything related until I have talked to my doctor! :o)

So that is why I have written this post. Not to make you boared or make your stomach churn, but to get it off my chest and now put it to rest until next month :o)

If you read all the way through, you must be a saint with a strong stomach! :o)